You idiot
by Akimii
Summary: "I may be an idiot, but you still love me." GenderSwitch/Genderbend Raphael AU


**Hey guys! Here is Akimii!**

 **I just wanna say (again) that I'm Brazilian, so please don't mind if there's grammar errors or anything like that, okay? (But if you find any, please contact me and I'll fix it)**

 **Anyway, I'm back again with GenderSwitch/Genderbend Raphael, turning him into her, now for a new one-shot (with an OBVIOUS open ending).**

 **Hope you like it.**

 **(Don't read if you don't like Xever/Fishface)**

* * *

I didn't think two times before drinking another full glass of wine.

"... What's up with you, girl?" X said.

"Eh? What'cha talkin' 'bout?" I asked.

"You know what I'm talking about."

I looked away.

"Ah, it's nothin'. Nothin' at all."

"You know, I'm not dumb. I know you, Raph. You wouldn't drink **_6_** full glasses of wine because of nothing." He said.

Xever was always too perceptive when it comes about me. It's not like I'm not grateful for his worry, but sometimes I'm able to compare him to Leo, or in other words, my "mom".

"X... I really don't wanna talk 'bout this, k? Just... Let me be." I said.

"..." He kept staring at his unfinished first bottle of simple beer, silently, while I ordered my seventh glass of wine to Grillby.

"You know, Raph, if you don't mind me saying, you really are kind of weird tonight. Was it something really bad? Perhaps a family problem?" Grillby asked.

It hasn't been long since the monsters were freed from the Underground. Grillby, a monster made out of literal fire, was the owner of the best pub for monster/mutants in town.

Now that Embassador Frisk made a deal with the humans, monsters are accepted in society as equals - even though, some of them really are kind of racists when it comes to us -, and we, the mutants, were able to get in the middle of this amount of monsters, and everyone thinks we're monsters too.

But back to the present, Grillbs' suddenly happened to become a good friend of mine. Since the day we've become friends, me and Xever began spending our free time here, somewhere we knew our Clans wouldn't find us.

"... Yeah... Exactly." I answered, lying, of course.

"Oh. Well, I... I wish you and your family can make up again." G' said.

"... Thanks." I answered.

"..." Xever suddenly left his - now empty - bottle in the balcony and stood up, giving money to Grillbs' and leaving.

"Did I do something wrong?" G' asked.

"... No, Grillby. You didn't." I said, while following my friend's steps. "Please don't mind me. I'll pay you later, okay?" I told him, opening the door.

I already knew where he was going to. He was so predictable.

But he always forgets that I'm faster than him. I quickly get close to him - in an alley -, and held his hand not letting him leave.

"... I thought you'd trust more in your friends." He said.

"Xever..." I tried to speak.

"That makes me feel really bad, you know? Like if I was... Unnecessary."

"What do you mean by 'unnecessary'?"

"Any relationship is based in trust. If I'm not someone you can trust, am I even your friend? Am I even necessary in your life?"

"... You're an idiot." I said. "You're my best friend. Of course you're necessary."

"Then why don't you tell me? I know something's bugging you." He insisted.

I kept myself silent, and let go of his hand.

"I trust you, Xever. I really do. But this is something I didn't tell even my family about. So please understand, I'm not trying to make you less important to me." I said.

"I know, but... Somehow, I... I think you're like this because of _me_. Like if there was something to do with me." He said, holding my hand. "... Did I do something wrong?"

"X... You did nothing wrong. Really. And... You don't have to worry at all, because... Because you couldn't do anything about it anyway. I can't. Leo can't. No one can."

"But if you told me what is it, I could at least try! Isn't it better if we try before saying we can't?"

"But we really can't! It's not something we can just change!"

"Something like what!?"

"It's not your problem!"

"I KNOW IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM, BUT I'M STILL WORRIED ABOUT YOU, DAMMIT!" He said, shaking my shoulders and pushing me into the wall. "CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL LIKE THIS?"

I remained silent, yet thoughtful.

"Please, Raph. You're too important to me. I don't know what I would've done if you haven't found me in that day. I don't know what I would do if we weren't friends. I know I'm overprotective, I know I am too annoying sometimes, but... _Please_. Please don't make me see you sad." He said.

I saw my best friend's head down. I _hate_ this feeling.

You know what?

I held tight his hands.

"... I hate you, X." I said, while doing something I didn't expect to happen so soon.

I kissed him.

I could feel his cold - yet soft - lips within mine, while trying my best not to touch his poisoned teeth, because I really wanted to enjoy that moment with him.

There wasn't too much to describe, because that moment ended so quickly as it started.

I blushed.

"I... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I said, with tears making my eyes shine.

"... Why did you do that?" He asked.

"... I should've told you about this before but... I weren't brave enough. But now, I do. _I love you, Xever_. I want you. I need you. "

He remained silent, while some tears ran down my cheeks.

"But ... I feel so dirty. I don't feel like I deserve you anymore..." I said.

Without saying anything, he held my jaw and connected our lips again.

 ** _What are you doing!? - I asked myself._**

Even if I was enjoying his hot tongue moving along mine, his lips making pressure against mine and his (predictable) delicious taste of alcohol, I knew that if I- if _we_ kept doing that, I'd get myself poisoned again.

When I felt the tip of one tooth of his touching my tongue, I instantly pushed him away.

He didn't say anything, but I could feel that he had a confused expression.

"... Y-your poison..." I said.

"Oh." He said, looking away. "Of course."

I blushed harder.

Soon we sat down, his hand laying upon mine, my head laying on his shoulder, while we looked up to see the dark, starry sky up our heads.

"... Is this what you were hiding from me?" He asked. "That you like me?"

"... No... At least, not only that." I answered.

"Hmpf. And you still want to keep it hidden from me-"

 _"I'm pregnant."_

I felt his eyes staring at me. I felt his confused, worried, shocked stare.

"Y-you... You're... You'll have a... C-child?" He asked.

"... I feel like a slut." *Face palm* "That's why I said I didn't deserve you." I said.

"Raph..." He lays his hand in my shoulder.

"X... Please... Feel free to... Forget about me... If you want to... I deserve it..." I said, not holding my cries anymore. "Just please... D-Don't hurt my f-family..."

After all that happened, admitting this to my best friend is not easy. It's harder than it looks, actually.

I fear he might hate me now.

"No." He said, with his deep and firm voice.

I looked up to see him.

"You're my best friend, Raph. All I want from you is an explanation."

He used his thumbs to wipe the tears off my face. But my dry face didn't last long; I was too helpless to do anything but look for comfort. And that comfort is what I found when I threw myself in his chest, hugging him tight and letting it all out. All the sadness I've felt this last days, all the worry, all the fear, I've let it all out in that moment.

And, while I cried in my best friend's embrace, he softly caressed my shell, doing all he could to comfort me.

And it worked.

Soon, when I were able to speak again - now feeling way better -, I took a deep breath before saying:

"... I was _forced_ to have this child."

"By who?"

"The Shredder."

"Why?"

"... I don't know..." I looked down. "He has Mikey kidnapped. He said he'd let him out, but he wants my first child in exchange."

"... So... Who's the father of this child?" He asked.

"... As me and my family are the only existing mutant turtles, it was clear the only way of having a pure mutant turtle child was... Copulating... With one of my brothers. And as were talking about something adult like pregnancy, we decided that I would do it with Leo, because he's the older brother."

He held me tighter.

"A-and you know what's worse? I think I'm starting to think like a mother instead of a teenager; I don't want to lose this child, this part of me to someone like the Shredder. Who knows what he'll do to her (him)?" I start crying again "A-and I... I don't even know if... I-if you *sob* if you'd accept me w-with m-my child..."

I couldn't feel what he was doing. What he was feeling. The expression he was making. He was being so unpredictable.

"Raph... Do you _want_ to keep this child?"

"Y-yes..."

"... Would you... Let me be their father?" He asked.

I stare at him, with widen eyes.

"What?"

"... I was really surprised when you said you loved me. I was really shocked when you said you were pregnant. And honestly, I were actually scared of what you'd tell me if I confessed to you. But still, I've already dreamed of... Y'know, having a family with you. And I swear, Raph. We'll find a way to save your brother and keep the child. I promise." He said. "I love you."

"... You idiot." I said, pulling him closer and one more time, kissing him.

* * *

I may be an idiot, but you still love me.

~ Xever Montes

* * *

 ** _IM SORRY_**

 ** _IM SO NOT SORRY_**

 ** _YET IM SO SORRY :')_**


End file.
